I Am Here!

"The human voice is the primary medium of communication in human beings. It is an expression of who we are and how we feel. In the timbre of a person's voice you can hear the subtle music of feeling and thought. The ever-shifting collage of emotions, to which we are all prey, colours the voice with tones of happiness, excitement, depression or grief."

Paul Newham, Developer of Voice Movement Therapy

  Floating in warm liquid.

Here I am!

My eyes are closed.

Here I am!

My heart beats faster, as I hear muffled sounds around me.

I'm ready!

My mother is laughing and talking.

I'm here! I'm ready!

There's another rhythmic, melodic sound.

I'm here!

Other voices I've heard before, but not often.

Can you hear me?

I'm ready! I'm here!

I am here!

I am here!

I am hea-aaaa-re!

I am hea-aaaaaaaa-rrre!

I am hea-aaaa-aaaa-aaaaa-rrrre!

I-I-I-I aaaa-mmmm hea-aaaa-aaaa-rrre!

I-I aa-mm hea-aa-rre

I aa-mm hea-rre

I aa-m hea-re

I am here

I'm here

I'm…here...

I'm...

waiting to be born...

I am still waiting to be born. Waiting to be held in my mother's arms. Waiting to feel safe and secure. Waiting. I'm always waiting. 

Somebody please hear me! Know that I'm here. Know that I need to be heard; and feel connected. 

Where are you? When will you come? Will you stay? Can I depend on you? If I tell you what I need, will you leave me? 

Silence. No response. After a while I stopped asking. My breath became shallow. I shut down my voice.

I wrote the above after doing a 'Voice Movement Journey' one Spring morning in 2008. Over the years, I’d done extensive emotional work both from a psychotherapeutic and a bodywork perspective. I also was well aware of my family of origin issues; but I'd never done any direct work on my blocked, shut-down voice.

I was 'painfully' shy as a child, and all through my teens and twenties. It was hard for me to ask for what I needed, regardless of whether the relationship was personal or business. It was especially difficult to ask for my needs to be met within the family. I tended to focus more on what other people needed; and I've even made a career out of doing just that.

Though I grew up in a musical family, I didn't even sing much. Every gathering naturally including singing; but I never sang out loud. I mostly lip-synched. Very rarely, I'd let a small, quiet sound come from my throat for a few lyrics; and then my voice would shut down completely. 

 

I've traced this reactive pattern of shutting down my voice to my birth trauma of the 'Baby-Waiting-to-Be-Born.'

I'm not absolutely sure why Mum delayed going to the hospital when her water broke. The family story is that she was at home, playing cards with friends, and she had a winning hand! (Feel free to insert your nervous laughter here.)  Since I was her second child maybe she remembered the pain of labor; and wanted to avoid it for as long as possible.  What I do know, is that I've often felt "stuck" and "held-back" from emerging into life fully.

This pattern shows up in different areas of my life. I'm always bursting with ideas, that need birthing, and I do manifest plenty of them; sometimes at a great cost physically and/or emotionally. I'm ready; but I have to push through obstacles, challenges, road-blocks, and they can leave me feeling depleted. But I never give up. I'm patient; and if pushed down, I bounce back. 

I had no choice but to be born. I couldn't stay stuck in the birth canal. I couldn't give up!  And that's how I've approached my life. I always find the strength, courage, and resilience to keep going so my idea can be birthed; and I can say: "I AM HERE!"

Are you birthing your ideas?  If you're not Singing Your Heart Out, or Shouting from the Mountain Top about them, then why not?

Let me help you get "unstuck" so that you can birth your ideas and dreams, whatever they might be.

Chris : ) 

P.S. Have a read of David Chamerblain's ground-breaking book on pre- and perinatal psychology. The title used to be "Babies Remember Their Birth."  They changed it to "The Mind of Your Newborn Baby."  You can find it in my bookstore on the 2nd page: http://www.consciousconnections.com/shop.html
 
From Publisher: "Dr. Chamberlain writes compellingly about the newborn's sensitivity, awareness, and vulnerability. He emphasizes the importance and power of the infant-and-parent connection during pregnancy and after birth. When the information in this book becomes common knowledge, we will look at our children with new respect and understanding."