I'm not going to "do" anything to you...

Talk Show Host Venerina Conti asks what I'm going to "do" to her.  My response: "I'm not going to do anything to you. We have no idea what your spirit wants to change, how your spirit wants to grow.  My role is to hold a safe space for you, so you can explore who you are mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually... and become more comfortable in your mind, body and spirit."  Have a listen to the interview : )

A Valentine Gift: Healing Your Core Wounding

"Wounding and healing are not opposites.  They're part of the same thing.  It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others.  I think I have served people perfectly with parts of myself that I used to be ashamed of."  ~ Rachel Naomi Remen, MD

My Big Bro has a Special Gift for you at the bottom of this Blog.  However, it will make more sense after you've read my thoughts first.

My life's work has been about helping people heal from their Core Wounding; precisely because I am also wounded at my core.  I believe that all of us have a Core Wounding around which we make our decisions in life.  Some of those decisions are conscious, but most are unconscious.  Our Core Wounding can wreak havoc in our lives; yet this same wounding can also motivate us to change; and to help us change the world in some way.  So it can be a gift, as Dr. Remen shares above.


Once I'd discovered my own Core Wounding, and how it got set in motion, it gave me hope and healing. That's why I'd like to share some ideas, to help you identify and understand more about your own Core Wounding, and how it can serve you well.

Each time you feel the pang of emotional pain, that might be displayed as anger, anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive behavior, procrastination, feelings of entitlement, low self-esteem, etc., stop for a moment to identify the feeling that is in the layer right underneath.  Is it shame, sadness, jealousy, loneliness, guilt, worry, fear of lack, fear of neglect or abandonment?  Then ask yourself: "When was the first time that I ever felt this way?  I mean the VERY first time...and boom...you will uncover your Core Wounding!  Okay, good. But how do you heal your Core Wounding?

The trick is to recognize and acknowledge that you have a Core Wounding in the first place.  Having that consciousness, will help you catch yourself when your emotional pain gets the better of you.  The second important piece is to know that Everything IS in Divine Order; especially when your life experiences seem to reflect the opposite.  Believe me, this very consciousness has saved me from feeling completely helpless and hopeless, during certain painful life experiences I've had.  

Believing that Everything IS in Divine Order, gives me the opportunity to stop being a victim; and allows me the space and time to react differently.  Not from my pain and attachments; but from a place of acceptance and love for myself; and compassion for the other person(s) involved.


Since Everything IS in Divine Order, then the Universe is offering us a gift; an opportunity for healing.  Should we reject that gift, and take no lesson from the experience?  Perhaps we want to turn our back to the Universe, and feel angry and betrayed by it too.  Well that strategy might make us feel vindicated in the very short term; and I mean only for a few seconds, or perhaps minutes; but then the same old Core Wounding feelings return with a vengence; and that doesn't help us heal.  In fact, we might go even deeper into our Core Wounding; and the pain can be unbearable.  So what can we do instead? 

Well, I'm the last person to tell you not to express the full extent of your feelings. In fact, I coach people to do just the opposite in my "Singing Your HeART Out!" Program, which is not about being a singer, by the way.  We actually exaggerate the pain, in order to release it; so we can come to a place of peace, love, and joy within ourselves. Trust me, it's the most fun you'll ever have in a therapy session. LOL!  (I can work with you via Skype, or in person.)


Taking responsibility for, and releasing your pain in a manner that is accepting and respectful towards yourself, will have beneficial outcomes in all your relationships.  So this is not about unleashing your anger on the other person; or making them feel guilty. It's about looking inwards, acknowledging your Core Wounding, and taking very good care of yourself, so that the pain can ease. 

Thank the Universe for the Opportunity to Heal. Count Your Blessings. Feel Gratitude. Cultivate Your Ability to Feel Compassion and Empathy for Others. Surround Yourself with Supportive People. Wish Everyone the Very Best.  Recognize that You Are Not Alone. You Are Part of The Collective Unconscious.  You Are Connected to the Universal Energy of Humanity, Light, Love, and The Circle of Life.

Be Well.  Be Happy.  Be LIGHT.  Be LOVE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now my brother is going to help me do some LifeSong® Voicework with you; though he doesn't know it.  Well he will, when he reads this : ) 

Enjoy this Bob Dylan song, Make You Feel My Love, magnificently sung by my Big Bro Lenny Zakatek    Like on FB http://www.facebook.com/lennyzakatek

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Xd5rrXDFs


When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

Listen to the song several times; and sing along with Lenny.  Find the lyrics here
http://www.bobdylan.com/us/songs/make-you-feel-my-love


Each time you sing it, begin hearing the meaning of the song differently; as if you were singing to your Core Wounded Self; Your Inner Child; Your Baby Self who may have felt alone, sad, frightened, angry, let down, abused, neglected, or betrayed; and has carried those feelings into adulthood. Sing Loudly. Sing Softly. Even sing Off Key and Off Tempo if you like. Improvise. There are no rules about how you sing.

Hug yourself while you are singing.  Get a Teddy Bear or a Pillow to hold.  Move around your room to release the energy. Cry it out, Scream it out. Laugh it Out!  I want to hear you Singing your HeART Out!

Let me know how you get along.  Add your experiences in the Comments here and/or on my FB page Singing Your Heart Out with Chris Platel.  

Let's share the gift of Healing Core Wounding.
 
Happy Valentine's  XO

Happy New Year: Receiving Love

Happy New Year Friends!

Many of you have shared that 2013 has been a difficult year for you. It's been a tough one for me as well. So I wish you (and me) all good experiences in 2014, and beyond.

If you should encounter more challenges, then my wish is that you get through them with courage, and grace. Remember that some challenges can help us to learn and grow; if we are able to turn a crisis into an opportunity. You may not see the opportunity immediately, but it will be there.

I also wish you love. If there is anger, hurt, and disappointment in your heart, then I hope that you have a supportive person in your life who will be there for you, and love you through the pain.

Trust that you are on the right path, and that everything is in Divine Order, even if the road is hard. Reach out to others to both receive and give love. Notice that I ask you to reach out, and allow yourself to receive love. Often when we are in pain we close our heart to receiving; so how then can we give love? It's impossible.

So my biggest wish for you in 2014 is to allow yourself to receive love from not only those closest to you, but from the Universal Energy that connects us all.

Have You Ever Experienced HIRAETH or SAUDADE?

Hello Friends All Over the World; and a Very Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the USA! 

I hope that you are all enjoying quality time with your loved ones, regardless of where you live in the world.


As you know, I've been living in Southern Spain since June 2012.  This time last year I didn't seem to miss Thanksgiving as much as I do today, because my sister was visiting me from London. 


Interestingly, just this week I came across the Welsh word HIRAETH; pronounced 'heer-eyeth.' Listen to the sound here http://www.geiriadur.net/sain/hiraeth.mp3   Hiraeth seems to sum up how I've been feeling lately; and I'm wondering if you can relate too.  


The University of Wales online dictionary describes hiraeth as a feeling of "homesickness, tinged with grief or sadness after the lost or departed.  Longing, yearning, nostalgia, wistfulness, an earnest desire."
 

Another new word for me is SAUDADE, which is Portuguese; and it also fits how I've been feeling. Saudade means "the love that remains after someone has gone."  It can also describe feelings regarding a lost place and time in one's life; or an unrequited love for how one imagines a relationship or a place could be. In Brazil they even celebrate saudade, as an official national day, on January 30.


So hiraeth and saudade are both words that describe how I've been feeling for the past few months.  After having spent 36 years of my adult life in America, I feel sadness, grief, nostalgia, and a longing for everything that I left behind. At the same time, hiraeth and saudade are exactly what caused me to leave, and come back to Europe, so that I could live geographically closer to my family.


The ironic thing is that after having spent the summer exploring the possibility of living even closer to them in London, I found the day-to-day reality of life there very stressful.  Since I had to return to Spain for some medical tests anyway, I've decided to stay here until the next chapter of my life unfolds. 

What's important to me now is to live as stress-free of a life as possible; so that I can fully recover from my move to Spain, which really whacked my energy on all levels.  Acknowledging the hiraeth and saudade I feel is a huge part of 'My Healing Journey' that began at the end of May, and continues even now.  It's amazing how much has happened in these past few months, that has caused me to confront and let go of everything that I thought would make me feel safe and secure.  As painful as it has been to acknowledge that my safety nets were never really there to begin with, it has also been extremely freeing.  So I'm looking forward to the next chapter, as I feel lighter and ready to have more fun.

Observing myself in my muck; writing and talking about it; doing lots of Voice Movement Therapy/LifeSong Voicework; and also some EFT; have all served to get me through what could have been a much worse time.  I'm very thankful for my natural biochemistry, resilience; and optimistic outlook.  Without these inherent elements, and my supportive network of friends around the world, I would not be feeling as well as I do.


What has been your experience of hiraeth and saudade?  Can you relate to the meanings of these words?  Since many of us do not live in the same house, town, state, or even country that we were born in, both hiraeth and saudade must be present somewhere within each of us, even though it might be on an unconscious level.  So I'm curious.  Can you relate? 

To help you explore these and any other feelings that could be impacting your life in a challenging way, and to help you make sense of them so that they don't overwhelm you, I'm offering a Free Mini-Coaching Session to the first 10 people who ask for one.  And you don't have to be a new client either.  First come, first served, so contact me immediately if you'd like your session to be sooner rather than later.

Sending Love and Light to You

Leader or Follower?

The clocks have changed; and Spring is in the air; at least in the Northern Hemisphere. Leaf and flower buds are becoming visible; and the sun is trying to peek through, even in colder climates.

Change and growth are quickly seen in nature; but what about for you? I've been wondering what kinds of new growth you are experiencing; or wanting to attract into your life, now.

Do you have a PLAN to make these changes happen; or are you just letting things flow, and manifest as they will?

If other people are involved in the changes you'd like to make, are you a Leader or a Follower? 

Which do you think is the most important role?   Who is more effective, a Leader or a Follower?

I believe that Followers are just as important as Leaders. See what happens in this video, when a Leader goes out on his own, with a positive mission, and just does the job. He doesn't need to convince anyone to follow his lead. Two guys join him immediately; and others follow within seconds.      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BiMEeirC_M

So if you have a positive mission of your own, you'll soon find the right followers, be they family members, friends, colleagues, and even bosses.

If you are more of a Follower, then make sure that you align yourself with a Leader who has the same value system as yours; and from whom you can learn, and grow.

Are you a Leader or a Follower? Perhaps you've played each role at different times of your life. Which role has felt the most comfortable throughout your life?

If you need some help in Creating a Plan to Change Your Life, let me know. Regardless of whether you are a Leader or a Follower, we can brainstorm, and come up with some Action Steps For You.

FREE Consultations available on a Limited Basis (first come, first serve) APRIL 10, 11, 15, 16, 18. Email  chrisplatel@consciousconnections.com to Reserve Your Spot.

Sending Love, Light, and Laughter!

Chris : )

My Valentine's Message: Recognize Abuse

You may have expected the subject of my Valentine's Blog to be all about hearts and flowers, and loving each other more.  Of course I want all that for you; and I also know that loving yourself more must be your most important priority.  That's why on this Valentine's Day, I want to talk with you about abuse, and how to recognize it in your life.  So I'm going to jump right into the subject.

Physical and emotional abuse always go together.  Physical abuse is easier to recognize.  If a woman is being physically abused by her partner (or vice versa) there is usually tangible evidence of the abusive act or acts: bruising, scarring, broken bones, swelling, etc.  Though the victim may do their best to try and hide their injuries, the physical evidence is there; and it will also have emotional consequences. The victim could become withdrawn, or feel angry, anxious, depressed, shame-filled, suicidal; even guilty that they have somehow provoked the violence.

Emotional abuse can be overt or subtle, but it's abuse nevertheless.  It can manifest as control, manipulation, demeaning language, sabotage, invalidation, paranoia, anger, guilt trips, withholding affection, threats, etc.

You cannot experience one type of abuse without the other also being present.  When the abuse seems to be only on an emotional level, it's usually much harder to recognize and admit to by both parties.  There may be no evidence of physical abuse on the outside, because the abuser has not touched his or her victim physically.  However, I believe that physical abuse still occurs.  The stress of living with abuse of ANY kind causes damage to every cell in the body; and it also alters the brain.  If emotional abuse is ongoing, there could be a breaking point, causing the abuser or the victim to resort to physical violence.

When a partner is the being physically abusive, it's important to recognize that you are in an abusive relationship, and get help immediately.  Find support to help you leave that situation, and get to a safer place.

What about when emotionally abusive behavior is perpetrated upon us by friends, family, co-workers, your boss, strangers, etc. What do you do then?  At work there are laws to protect you, but in reporting abuse you also risk being fired; having the abuser escalate his/her behavior; or being ostracized by your co-workers, who may not like the fact that you are a whistle-blower.  You can either leave your job; or take the risks mentioned, and report the abuse.  I've experienced all these work situations, and though it wasn't easy, I am happy that I remained in integrity; and ultimately had much less stress in my life. Abusers must be named as such.

Strangers are easier to deal with.  You can remove yourself from a temporarily abusive situation. Walk away. Do not engage with them.  Friends are a different challenge.  If a friend continues being abusive, invalidating, judgmental, demeaning, etc. divorce them! No one needs friends like these.

The same rules apply for abusive family members.  Just because you are related, does not mean that you have to tolerate their abusive behavior. Suggest that you go to family counseling together; or to a relationship coach, so you can learn new ways of communicating with each other.  Allow some time for both of you to practice new behaviors; and keep your boundaries strong and healthy.

The most important thing is to KNOW that you are being abused. If you are made to feel small, invisible, insignificant; that it's always your fault; and you feel unheard, unloved, disrespected, manipulated, controlled, then you are being emotionally abused.  Get some support to help you communicate with the abuser differently. Again, I must stress that if the abuse is physical in ANY way, and that means even pushing, and shoving, then you must remove yourself immediately. If you have children, you owe it to them to model healthy behaviors by getting away from the abuser.

Whatever the situation, LOVE YOURSELF MORE, so that you can to change your circumstance.  That's the best Valentine's Gift you can give yourself. If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, have the courage to tell them that you recognize the symptoms of abuse they are experiencing; because they may not be able to admit this to themselves.  If you know someone who is an abuser, do them the same favor, and call it what it is - abuse.  Abusers, and those being abused, may get angry with you for being so forthright, but in the end, they will feel a sense of relief.  You helped them KNOW something consciously that they have been hiding for too long.

If you need help learning how to communicate your feelings more appropriately; and you'd like some strategic support to help you change your life for the better, please contact me.  For the rest of February, I'm offering a FREE Strategic Relationship Coaching Consultation to help you bring into consciousness what your next step to a magnificent life should be.
First come, first served, as I have a limited number of slots available.  Email me now to book your Free Session:  chrisplatel@consciousconnections.com

Help someone you know by sharing my Blog with them.  Please spread the word that abuse cannot be tolerated.

I wish you the Courage to KNOW...

Chris

 

You are Beautiful Inside and Out

Several years ago I set up a "Free Compliments" experiment to see how people would react to receiving compliments.  It was January 2002, and I was at The Himalayan Institute, in Honesdale, Pennsylvania, for a month-long retreat.  My research subjects were fellow retreat residents.

I had each participant sit in a chair near me, I looked right into their eyes, and paid them one compliment after another.  Most people started off squirming and looking uncomfortable; as did the other participants.  Some even wanted me to stop giving them compliments after receiving only one of two of them.  I gently encouraged them to stay in the chair, and keep receiving my positive messages.  What I found was that for most people, the longer they received compliments, the better and more relaxed they felt.  What began as nervous laughter upon receiving each new compliment, soon gave way to a smile, and then more relaxed body language.

Fast forward to the Spring of 2008, and I experimented with the same idea again but in a very different context.  This was a performance piece in which we were instructed to engage in a "Wrestling Match" as one of our sub-personalities, or alter egos.  We each made our own costumes, that reflected the characteristics of the sub-personality we'd chosen for the exercise.  

Most of the other participants chose to show an aggressive sub-personality of theirs; and they engaged in aggressive body contact with each other.   One person showed a depressive sub-personality, with very low self-esteem. She just sat on the floor with downcast eyes; her body slumped over. Her engagement with others showed apathy.

I had created a character I called "Lovely Love."  She wore a Band-Aid over her broken heart; a heart-shaped tiara made out of a paper plate; and a pretty pink sarong.  A couple of blood-red teardrops were painted with lipstick on her cheeks. She carried a pink-and-white polka-dot mini-umbrella, that she used to balance herself with.   
 
Lovely Love  was always helping people.  She was encouraging, supportive, kind, and met every attack with a pleasant compliment.  "You are so strong!"  "You're very kind."  "I really like you."  "You are so intelligent."  “You are sweet!”  Lovely did her best to get out of the way of physically aggressive attacks from her opponent; and she kept giving compliments. The more she gave, the more aggressive her opponent became; until the aggressor was the declared winner of that match. Though this was a performance art piece, and no actual blows were served thank goodness; it was nevertheless a little scary to experience just how aggressive my opponent could become. 
 
The next match was with the depressive sub-personality. This was interesting because instead of feeling lifted in her mood when paid compliment after compliment by Lovely Love, this opponent became more and more depressed. She just couldn't take them in. Finally, she stopped the match herself because she just couldn't receive compliments.


When all the matches were over, we gave each other feedback; and that is when something even more interesting occurred. The consensus was that I was “being manipulative" and “insincere."  Hmmm... I thought that I was reflecting back to my opponents the positive attributes I saw in them.  It also feels great to give compliments, so I was feeling wonderful. 

Receiving positive feedback from others is supposed to make us feel good; yet even though we were all playing our individual roles, their feedback to me shows just how strong our sub-personalities can be.

"You are beautiful inside and out." "You're such a lovely person." "I really love your energy." How are you feeling receiving these compliments from me?  Spend a day complimenting everyone you meet; and let me know how it makes you feel.  I'd also love to know what kinds of reactions you get.
"You are wonderful!"